


We Must Be What We're Going To Be

by Alias_Slashley



Category: The Monkees, The Monkees (TV)
Genre: Jolenz, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 12:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19131736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alias_Slashley/pseuds/Alias_Slashley
Summary: A charade has Davy having confusing feelings about Micky.





	1. Chapter 1

Mike knocked on the car window. “Come on Davy, get a move on!”

“Do I have to go in? Can’t you guys just do this without me this time?”

“You know the deal, Tiny. We keep the gig because of you, you gotta be in there.”

Davy gritted his teeth and threw his head back against the car seat. This gig was getting tedious. The band had gotten a standing gig at a swanky new club The Belvedere, but the only reason they had secured the spot was that the club owner’s daughter Maggie was sweet on Davy. The prospect of a potential date with Davy was causing Maggie to beg her father to keep the band playing each week. And Mike had made it abundantly clear to Davy that he was to keep stringing the girl along until he was ready to be serious and committed to one girl. Mike didn’t want to risk one date and a quick break up because that meant empty pockets.

Davy was glad that Mike was putting certain limits and expectations of dating Maggie. Truthfully, Davy didn’t want to date the girl. Sure she was pretty enough, just like all the others he had dated before…the problem wasn’t her. It was him. He had been discovering over time that he wasn’t interested in girls at all. He knew that he never felt quite right about girls. Davy just figured at some point everything would fall into place. Girls seemed to be very interested in him so the least he could do was test the waters. As time went on though, the ‘let’s see how this goes’ mentality was getting old and frankly annoying. And Davy was very much aware that he was scoping out other men. He just didn’t want anyone else to know. What would they think of him? Would they disapprove and disown him? It was better to keep up the charade.

Although, at this particular time the charade was becoming increasingly irritating. Maggie was throwing herself at Davy every chance she got. He was doing his best to put on the act but was growing so weary of it that last week he tried to climb into Mike’s guitar case to avoid her. She wasn’t overbearing, nothing that he wasn’t already used to. He supposed it was being tired of living a lie and having it constantly rubbed in his face.

Davy made one final sigh and trudged up to the club door angrily clutching his tambourine.

“What’s wrong, Babe?” Micky had sidled up to him.

“Nothing! Everything is fantastic,” Davy said sarcastically.

“You can’t kid a kidder.”

“I wasn’t trying to,” Davy was exasperated by this conversation already.

“Lady troubles, huh?”

Did that drummer not take a hint? Usually sarcasm and body tension meant to not talk to someone. Clearly social cues were not Micky’s forte.

“You think! I’m tired of having to appease and put on this act that I want to go out with Maggie for this job. It’s exhausting!”

Micky nodded. “I could see that. She comes on to strong. ‘Oh Davy, I love you.’” Micky started making kissy faces towards Davy.

“Oh come off it, Mick,” Davy said bumping into the drummer playfully. He was already starting to feel better. “It’s not her at all. I’m just not interested is all.”

“Davy Jones not interested in something in a skirt? I don’t buy it.”

 _If only he knew_ …

Davy avoided what Micky just mentioned. “I don’t know how I can go on dodging her like this. I would go out with her and get it over with but Mike isn’t ready for that…I’m not ready for that. He wants me to be in a longer term relationship with her and I’m not on board with that.”

“Yeah and you can’t blow her off because you don’t want her telling daddy to fire us.”

“Exactly! Damned if I do and damned if I don’t,” Davy rested his hand on his forehead.

Micky glanced at his watch. “Well at least there isn’t a lot of time for her to make kissy faces at you before we play. You can thank Peter for causing us to be a bit late.”

“I don’t understand how he keeps getting his head stuck in the railing of the staircase,” Davy shook his head. “That reminds me we need to get more butter.”

* * *

 

“You better hope that you can smooth this over next time Davy!” Mike scolded as they drove home from the club.

Micky had been right, there was no time before the gig for Maggie to approach Davy. That only meant that her eventual approach later on was more aggressive. It started out innocently enough with her hanging on Davy’s every word (though he was only giving brief one-word answers). She upped her game a bit and began rubbing his shoulders. That was a little too intimate for Davy, so he gently maneuvered away from her touch. This act caused her to bring out the big guns and…

“She grabbed my ass, Mike! What was I supposed to do?”

“Definitely not head butt her!”

“That was an accident! A knee jerk reaction.”

“Looked a little too purposeful to me,” Mike shot back.

“Listen, I’ve been playing this little game and it has been tame up until now. But she’s crossed the line and I feel violated. I’m not a piece of meat, you know.”

Mike huffed. “You’re just lucky that I can think quickly on my feet and gave an excuse, so that we are allowed to come back next time.”

“I don’t want to come back next time! I’m done with this cat and mouse game.”

Mike slammed on the brakes and turned around to face the backseat. “You will keep this up as long as we can to secure this income. In fact, I think you’re about ready for a girlfriend…you dig?”

Davy glared at Mike. There was no arguing with him. He felt like Mike was pimping him out for gigs. Davy’s feelings weren’t important and that’s what stung the most. Mike turned around and continued driving. Davy slunk down further in his seat. Suddenly, he noticed a presence near him.

“Don’t worry, buddy. I’ve got a brilliant idea.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Micky, I’m not so sure about this…” Davy said warily.

“What’s to be sure about? The plan will be a guaranteed success!”

“I don’t even know what the plan is!”

“That’s the beauty of it! It doesn’t give you a chance to back out. Your genuine reaction will be enough to make it real.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

“I’d go for it,” Peter chimed into the conversation completely uninvited. :”Micky’s plans are the best.”

“See testimonials,” Micky reassured.

“I think you may want to rethink the person you’re using for endorsements.”

“Yeah I may be _too_ convincing,” Peter agreed.

Davy shook his head. He was hesitant to trust any harebrained scheme that Micky came up with but on the other hand he was desperate. Mike was expecting Davy to make his move with Maggie tonight. He needed something to happen that would get Maggie off his ass (literally) and keep them with the steady gig. The blindness he had going into this plan was turning his stomach in knots. What if it turned into something terrible and then they got fired anyway? Then he supposed it would be Micky’s fault and not his so that took some Mike heat off of him until Micky admitted that he was doing this for Davy.

Davy put the thoughts aside for the time being so that he could focus on playing. Maggie didn’t have the opportunity once again to talk to him before the show. They were out of butter again for a different reason. Someone needed to really explain to Peter that you didn’t need to coat a net in butter to catch butterflies…and that he should have probably stayed far away from Mr. Babbitt while trying to catch them. It was time to absently play the set. Davy had taken to not showing his signature charisma on stage at the club in hopes of dissuading Maggie’s advances. That wasn’t working so well…maybe Micky’s plan was the way to go.

After the set, Davy nervously waited backstage with Micky by his side. He was unsure about what was going to happen and he was chewing his nails down to the bit. Thankfully, Mike wasn’t there at the moment to put an end to anything dumb that might occur. They were only joined by Peter who was blissfully unaware that something was about to happen or it could be that he just didn’t care.

“Relax, man. I’m going to take care of you,” Micky tried soothing Davy’s nerves.

Davy took his fingers away from his mouth and tried to loosen up his stance. He saw Maggie and one of her friends approaching with a wide grin. Davy was bracing himself for what was about to transpire. He felt something odd. Micky had interlaced their hands together.

“Just look at me and act like you didn’t notice she was coming,” Micky whispered.

Davy absently stared at Micky who was now lightly swinging their attached limbs back and forth. Davy was concentrating on the feeling of their hands touching. Sure he had had physical contact with Micky before but this was different. It was weird. And also at the same time felt right since Davy was starved for male affection. Davy realized he had been watching their hands together and quickly glanced up into Micky’s smiling face. The look Micky was sporting was one of someone hopelessly infatuated with whatever they were looking at which in this case happened to be Davy. Davy was still a bit unsure of where they were going with this.

“Hi, Da—“ Maggie trailed off.

Davy turned to see her looking at the two men’s connected hands. Micky’s face took on a feigned look of horror and he wretched their hands apart.

“Oh no,” Micky said dramatically. “This is nothing…I swear Maggie…I um…”

Davy was still confused about what was happening. He looked from Micky to Maggie. He took in her expression. Maggie looked a bit puzzled like she was trying to connect the dots like Davy was. Only she was a bit quicker.

“Are you two…together?” she asked.

“Oh dear…” Micky continued. “It’s not what it looked like…Please don’t say anything.”

Davy finally realized what Micky was doing. Pretending they were a couple so Maggie would back off. What was he thinking? This was too risky. It was practically suicide. No one was prepared to deal with same sex couples nowadays. They were sure to lose the gig now. Stupid Micky…

“Shhh calm down,” Maggie said as her face softened. “It’s okay. Your secrets safe with me.”

“It is?” Davy blurted out.

Maggie giggled. “Of course! I would never put someone’s personal life out there like that. I just feel silly now that I was pursuing Davy when clearly I’m not his type.”

Micky laughed at this. “Who could blame you, darling? This man is one fine specimen.”

Micky grabbed Davy around the waist and pulled him closer. Davy was uncomfortable with being this open in public with a man, but it was also thrilling to be out even if it was just for pretend.

“You’re one lucky guy, Micky,” Maggie commented. “We will leave you guys to it,” she winked, “see you all next week.”

Micky waved. “Ta-ta, dear.”

Micky broke their embrace once Maggie was out of sight. “There you go, Babe. All fixed.”

* * *

 

“Why didn’t you guys tell Mike and me that you were dating?” Peter nonchalantly broke the silence during the ride home.

Davy had been so deep in thought about what transpired at the club that he was in his own world. He was nervous and intrigued at the same time. He didn’t want things to get out of hand with the lie, but at the same time Davy enjoyed the ability to be semi ‘out’ even if it was only with Micky. Everything about holding hands with him felt right. He was basking in the high of the event that what Peter had asked didn’t even register right away.

“Excuse me!” Mike yelled from the passenger’s seat.

“Relax, Mike,” Micky tried to ease the blow. “We aren’t actually dating, we just were pretending to.”

“Oh well that’s enough of an explanation for me,” Peter answered.

“It isn’t for me! What are you guys thinking?” Mike bellowed.

“Cool it, Mike. I was having a problem with Maggie and Micky had a brilliant—“

“I can already tell this is going to be detrimental to us,” Mike put his hand over his face.

“Quite the contrary, my wool hat wearing friend,” Micky explained. “Maggie ‘caught’ us holding hands and then she figured out that we were an item, meaning that she will back off Davy and we will keep the gig. Everybody wins.”

“That’s not how it works, Mick. She tells everybody else and we are out of a gig as well as branded for life.”

“No, no Mike. She said our secret was safe with her.”

“And you believed that?”

“I had no reason not to. What could she have to gain by lying about that?”

Davy was staying mostly quiet. He was flying high on the physical touch and the notion that Maggie would no longer be bothering him that he hadn’t stopped to think about the repercussions. But leave it to Mike to make those connections for him.

“Be that as it may, did it not occur to either of you that you’ll have to keep up this lie every time we’re there?”

“I guess I hadn’t thought that far ahead…” Micky trailed off for a moment. “I’m sure we can make it work. How hard could it be?”

“So you’re both going to remember to keep up appearances of this relationship around Maggie and keep your movements hidden from others?” Mike poked holes in the idea.

“Do we have to show Maggie we are together? I mean she already knows now and may think that we are just hiding our love,” Davy offered.

“No, no, no,” Micky interrupted, “it has to be convincing. We don’t have to do much but we do need to do something. A little squeeze of the ass every once in a while never hurt anybody.”

Davy was beginning to turn red in the backseat and was thankful for the darkness so Peter wouldn’t notice.

Mike crossed his arms and leaned back further into the seat. “You guys are going to be the death of me.”

“Then what a way to go,” Peter commented.

* * *

 

That night, Davy couldn’t fall asleep. He was thinking about the events of the night. It was noble of Micky to put his own reputation on the line for Davy. He didn’t know the truth about Davy at all so it was an interesting choice for sure. Davy wondered what had made Micky think of the plan in the first place. Did he intuitively know about Davy’s sexuality or did Micky have his own experience in that area? Davy supposed that he could always ask Micky about it. He was positive that Micky was going to keep pestering him to improve or plan out ways to keep up the charade.

Davy kept replaying the small interaction over in his mind again and again. He was getting butterflies in his stomach as he remembered the warmth of Micky’s hand and the way their hands seemed to fit together seamlessly. Holding a man’s hand was different from a woman’s. Micky’s hand was strong no doubt from years of drumming. Though there was a delicacy in the way Micky handled Davy’s hand. The skin was smooth and not rough and calloused as Davy may have guessed.

He sighed. If only this instance could have been the real thing. If he were truly able to be his authentic self with someone that he liked and maybe even loved. Micky was a suitable partner to practice becoming comfortable with men. The situation was nonthreatening and there was no chance of feelings getting hurt. Davy needed to dip a toe into the scene of being a gay man and now was as good of time as any since he didn’t have much of a choice now.

The butterflies continued their incessant wing flapping and were doing somersaults in Davy’s stomach. _Imagine what things will be like when it’s the real thing. After all, it’s only Micky._


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m not completely convinced,” Peter said.

As predicted, Micky had spent the following week prepping Davy for how to continue on with the fake dating idea. He had made a list of the dos and don’ts during their time at the gigs. Do: hand holding, staring into each other’s eyes, and ass grabs. Don’ts: checking out girls, kissing, and causing dramatic fights. There was quite a bit of room for more rules but Micky was more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda guy so an in the moment decision was encouraged. Now the pair was practicing looking like a couple in love and since Mike wanted nothing to do with the situation, they were relying on Peter’s surprisingly harsh criticism.

“What do you mean? We’ve been doing this for a half hour! I think we’re getting better,” Micky complained.

“I don’t feel it.”

“You don’t feel what exactly?” Davy asked.

“Convinced.”

Micky collapsed on the floor and Davy turned towards Peter with crossed arms. “What else could you possibly need to be convinced?”

“I’m not sure. I just can’t actually bring myself to believe that you two are a couple in love.”

“Could that possibly be because you know that we really aren’t?” Davy demanded.

“You know I hadn’t thought of that. Still though, I’m not getting a spark. It is coming off very artificial.”

“What about it is artificial so we can fix it?” Davy asked.

“I don’t quite know…” Peter tapped a finger on his chin.

Davy was getting frustrated. He knew that both of them were trying to help, but they had been at this for days and tomorrow was the day of the gig. He felt as though they were no closer than when they started. Peter’s comments were deflating his confidence that the plan was going to work at all. He put his back against the wall and slumped down to join Micky.

“You guys can’t give up!” Peter protested.

“I don’t know, Peter. I’m starting to doubt this idea,” Davy sounded defeated.

At the mention of his idea not working, Micky snapped out of his stupor. Before Davy realized what was happening, Micky knelt down in front of him and took both of Davy’s hands in his own guiding him off the floor. They stood with eyes locked. Though unsure about what was going to happen Davy kept a soft gaze as he looked into Micky’s eyes. There was a love and tenderness in those eyes that Davy didn’t recognize. Micky took a hand and tucked hair behind Davy’s ear. He then brought the hand back forward and grazed Davy’s cheek in a loving stroke. Davy’s shuddered under the contact. Micky leaned forward and lightly brushed their lips together. As the lips parted, Micky took both hands to the sides of Davy’s face and pressed their foreheads together maintaining the same eye contact as before.

“That’s it!” Peter exclaimed.

Micky immediately let go of the hold and joined in Peter’s excitement. “That was it? It was convincing enough?”

Davy tuned out the rest of the conversation. His head was clouded by the experience. What was that about? Had Micky meant to be so intimate? Did it mean something more? He felt his legs buckle beneath him as he swooned. He was caught by arms that felt stronger than they looked.

“Hey man, are you okay?” Micky asked. “I didn’t know I had that effect on people.”

Davy shook his head. “Yeah, fine thanks. I think we’ve been practicing so much that I’ve forgotten to drink anything.” Davy straightened himself back up and walked over to take a seat next to Peter.

“Do it just like that tomorrow,” Peter continued.

“We can’t do that, Peter! It’s a bit much for the setting. I just needed to build up some momentum between us you know,” Micky explained. “I think we now have a better understanding of what we need to look like to be convincing.”

Davy’s head was swimming. The butterflies were back and even more chaotic than before. He couldn’t take his eyes off Micky and he could still feel the kiss lingering on his lips. This was dangerous territory. There was no possible way that he could be harboring feelings for Micky. It was just the physical contact. That’s what he was going to keep telling himself.

* * *

 

Davy looked out onto the water. He had needed to get out of the house. He couldn’t keep staring at Micky…well specifically Micky’s lips. The physical closeness was seriously messing with Davy’s mind. He knew that he hadn’t and never could have serious romantic feelings for Micky. He was just getting confused. And nothing was going to let up any time soon. If anything the situation was going to become more murky and intimate.

These feelings had seemingly come out of nowhere. He had never thought romantically about Micky before so that must mean that it was the idea of having a boyfriend. That had to be it. Someone to look at him the way Micky did. Hold him the way Micky did. Kiss him the way Micky did. Be in love with…Nope. This wasn’t love. It was lust. It was Davy’s desire to be together with a member of the same sex. The timing of this fake relationship and Davy’s acknowledgement of his sexuality were a bad combination.

Davy buried his face in his hands. He wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through this unscathed. There would be no relief from this confusion for quite some time. It was better just to go with the flow. If anything this was just preparation for the real thing. His thoughts we interrupted by a noticeable presence to his left. He opened his eyes and looked over. There next to him was Micky. His skin was more bronze than Davy remembered and his chest more muscular. Had Micky changed overnight or was Davy just looking at him in a different light?

“Hiya pal! You seemed to leave in a hurry.”

Davy shaded his eyes with his hand as he looked over at Micky trying desperately not to make eye contact. “I just needed some fresh air that’s all.”

“You did almost faint earlier,” Micky responded.

Davy felt embarrassment creep up and give him a knot in his stomach. He wondered if Micky had an inkling that something was amiss. Then again, Micky was in his own little world and oblivious to most social cues.

“So how are you holding up?”

That was a loaded question that could have many meanings and Davy didn’t want to answer it wrong. He was nervous. _Of course Micky knew something was up!_

“About what?” Davy mustered as best as he could.

“You know…” Micky paused.

Davy felt his heart beat out of his chest and he stopped breathing.

“…with this whole Maggie thing. I bet it’s a huge weight off your shoulders.”

Davy allowed himself to breathe again. “Oh right. It is and it isn’t.”

“How so?”

_Inquisitive today isn’t he? Maybe because I’m having funny feelings towards a certain drummer!_

“Well, she’s not going to pursue me anymore, but you and I have to put in this extra work of acting like a couple for who knows how long.”

“You think its work?” Micky asked. “I’ve been thinking it’s kind of fun.”

“You have?” there was that heartbeat again.

“It’s not often that we get to pretend to be something we aren’t…”

_I play that role every day._

“…it gives us a little break from the mundane.”

“There is nothing about our lives that is mundane and we pretend to be things we aren’t all the time,” Davy was able to crack a smile.

“Like what?”

“Let’s see gangsters, piano repair men, movie directors, superheroes, Russian dancers…” Davy was counting on his fingers.

Micky pondered that comment for a moment. “Huh, I guess you’re right. Are you saying that it isn’t fun being my fictitious boyfriend,” Micky exclaimed feigning hurt feelings.

“You’re insane, you know that?”

“Just crazy about you my love,” Micky tried pulling a fighting Davy into an embrace.

“Quit it, man!”

“Feisty, huh? I like my men with a fiery spirit,” Micky put his arm around Davy.

Davy laughed and tried to ignore the tingling sensation in his body. After all, it was only Micky.


	4. Chapter 4

It was the regular scheduled day of the gig and Davy was a ball of nerves. He wasn’t quite sure how things were going to play out. He had a dream about Micky the night before. A sexual dream, which was causing him to add feelings of uncomfortability being around Micky to the list of insecurities. He absently tossed his tambourine from hand to hand as he waited for everyone else to prepare themselves to play. Normally, he would have been more helpful in setting up but he couldn’t bear to be around Micky at the moment. Although, he could see Maggie in the crowd and that probably would have been a good idea.

Davy was startled with the sound of playing. Apparently he hadn’t been paying attention and missed the cue to begin playing. Good thing the tambourine wasn’t that noticeable missing for a few moments and that this was one of Mike’s songs. He thought about his insecurities as he banged the tambourine against his hip. Maybe this was a good time to make some subtle gestures towards Micky. To an outsider it would look like nothing, but to Maggie who seemed to have laser focus on the pair it would be confirmation. Also she wouldn’t be able to see what Davy was doing since his back would be turned, so he didn’t even really need to make uncomfortable eye contact with Micky.

“ _And you just may be the one…”_

Davy turned around and mouthed to Micky “wink at me.” The drummer was quick to take the cue and lovingly winked at Davy. Davy couldn’t help it he practically melted. The smile that covered his face as he turned around was genuine. Micky could have fooled him that this little back and forth was all for show. He looked over at Maggie and she was leaning over to a friend next to her whispering something. When she was done they both had smiles and were doe eyed looking at the stage. He could only imagine the one of two things that were happening. Either they were having the “too bad he’s gay conversation” or swooning over the loving glances onstage. Either way she appeared to be falling for it hook, line, and sinker…much like Davy was starting to feel himself.

* * *

 

After the set, the guys were mingling backstage like they always did. The only difference was the anticipation of putting on a show for Maggie. Mike decided that he still wanted no part of this “tomfoolery” and drug Peter along with him to the bar area. Davy was wringing his hands together waiting for the inevitability of what was to come.

“Relax Babe, everything will turn out fine.”

“What do you mean? I’m totally playing it cool.”

“Is that why your hands are bright red?”

Davy stopped moving his hands and examined the crimson hue.

“It’s no big deal. We just have to see her for tops a five minutes a week. It won’t be as bad as you think. Nothing is going to change too much.”

_It already has…no it hasn’t! It’s just a dumb phase that will pass._

Davy saw a familiar figure headed their way and tensed up immediately. He felt Micky put his hand on the small of Davy’s back and Davy was doing his best not to start trembling. The contact had eased his body tension and he began smiling uncontrollably.

Maggie approached with open arms. “There’s my favorite pairing!” She started giving Micky air kisses on his cheeks and then did the same to Davy. “You guys were so adorable onstage tonight. Loving glances and all smiles! I could barely contain my excitement!”

“Thanks doll!” Micky said.

“Excitement for what exactly?” Davy asked warily.

“Well, I had an idea. I feel like you guys don’t get to go on dates often with the stigma of being in your…situation.”

“You have no idea! It’s so difficult to get this handsome devil out on my arm. What’s the benefit of dating this man if you can’t show him off? Am I right?”

Davy blushed. He was sure that Micky was just talking him up to keep up the charade. But hearing Micky call him handsome wasn’t any less flattering because of it. The butterflies kicked it up a notch as Micky began caressing Davy’s back where his hand was resting.

“Just as I suspected,” Maggie continued. “I thought that I could offer you a chance to take this relationship on a covert date.”

“How could you possibly do that?” Davy was skeptical of the ability as well as the intention behind it.

“My friend Katherine and I could go out with you and pretend we are on a double date with you guys. You both can sit on the same side of the table but no one will know that you are the couple.”

“You’d really do that for us?” Micky asked showing that he was touched by the gesture.

“What’s in it for you?” Davy inquired and Micky poked him in the ribs.

Maggie looked thrown by the question. “Nothing. I just wanted to help.”

“Don’t mind him!” Micky tried to do damage control. “He’s just mistrusting and paranoid.”

Maggie was quick to ignore the transgression and continue on. “So what do you guys say?”

“I don’t think…” Davy began.

“…we could pass up and offer like that!” Micky interrupted.

“Perfect! I’ll touch base with you on the details later.”

“Thanks Mags! Looking forward to it,” Micky waved her as she walked away.

Davy turned Micky to face him as soon as she was out of eyesight. “What are you doing?”

“Keeping up with the game. Why?”

“This is a terrible idea!”

“What do you mean? This is a fantastic idea. It’s more of an opportunity to show Maggie that we are a real couple.”

“Why do we need to do that? Isn’t it enough to do it here?”

“If we told her no she may have got suspicious.”

Davy knew this was not going to end well. Their cover could be blown in one of two ways. Maggie could find out the truth or someone else could see them and come to the conclusion that they were a real couple. And even if neither of those scenarios occurred there was also the possibility that Davy’s feelings could keep growing dangerously stronger. That was not something he was willing to entertain now. He knew exactly the way that they would be getting out of this one.


	5. Chapter 5

“There is no way in hell that you two can go through with this double date fiasco!”

Davy knew that this was the response they would get if they told Mike about the date. He may have slipped the idea into the Texan’s ear sooner rather than later. It was better for everyone this way. He knew that Micky was only trying to help him, but he didn’t know that it was making everything inadvertently worse.

“Come on, Mike! This is just what we need to seal the deal and let Maggie know for certain that Davy and I are a couple.”

“This thing has gone far enough already and it’s beginning to get out of hand. First it’s the date and then you’re taking vacations together and next thing you know Maggie is maid of honor at your wedding!”

“Mike that’s ridiculous! Men can’t marry each other,” Peter chimed in.

“Thanks Shotgun, I wasn’t serious I was trying to make a point. This little game that you’re all playing is going to go too far and someone is going to end up with hurt feelings.”

Davy felt as though that comment was directed at him since he was having all these impure thoughts about Micky. “Mike, Micky and I won’t get hurt,” the delivery was so convincing that he almost believed the lie.

“No kidding!” Mike said sarcastically. “I’m talking about Maggie finding out and having hurt feelings about Davy going to these lengths to not date her as well as my hurt feelings when we get fired because of it.”

Davy breathed a sigh of relief at the notion that no one was the wiser to his scandalous feelings.

Micky put an arm around Mike’s shoulders. “You worry too much, compadre. I’ve got this all under control.”

“Its statements like that which cause me to worry more.”

“Nothing has happened so far and it is one innocent dinner.”

* * *

 

 _Innocent alright._ Davy rolled his eyes. There was nothing innocent about the feelings he was having right now.

Davy had woken up early at around 3 AM. He couldn’t fall back asleep which was interesting since he had just fallen asleep at 2:15. It was now 3:30. He had pulled the covers over his head to try to catch some sleep, but thoughts of that night were keeping him awake.

The covert double date had gone well. Too well. Maggie and her friend were eating up the lies that Micky was feeding them. The conversation was flowing like any normal date except it centered around the girls wanting to know the details about Davy and Micky’s relationship. Who was attracted first? Who asked out whom? How did they know the other person would be interested? Davy was thrown through a loop with all the questions. Luckily for him though Micky was quick thinking and answered all the questions flawlessly.

“So there we were huddled in a closet. We were waiting for the Russian ballerina to finish her dance so that we could find Peter. We were in agony waiting for something to happen and in very close quarters. I could feel Davy’s body heat near me and smell his aroma. I had always thought that he was attractive but had chocked that up to just a general observation. He happened to graze my arm and it felt like electricity. That’s when I knew.”

“Aww,” both girls gawked.

“I didn’t know if he would feel the same way about me…”

_That’s an understatement._

“…so I would spend my time trying to make sure we were together. You know send Mike and Peter on errands together. Pair up with Davy on adventures. One day we were searching for Peter… _again_ …at a mentalist named Oraculo’s shop. We were in a high stakes situation again, so I took a leap of faith. Literally. I jumped into Davy’s arms and he caught me. I caught his heart that day too and the rest is history.”

The story was so good that even Davy almost believed it. Micky went on to describe how their shyness made it difficult for anyone to make a move during an outing to the movies as well as how difficult it was to muster the courage to come out to Mike and Peter. The girls were eating it up. Every once in a while Micky would sneak a loving glance or squeeze Davy’s hand. This made the Brit’s heart skip a beat. Pretend or not this closeness was causing Davy’s feelings to grow.

Now Davy was on the back patio looking at the moon. It was shining so bright that it was almost like a spotlight on him. He couldn’t deny this to himself anymore. He was falling for Micky. It wasn’t just the physical contact or Davy’s desperation to be his true self with a male. He could imagine being happy with Micky. He loved Micky’s enthusiasm. His lame impressions. The way it felt to have his arm wrapped around Micky’s slender frame. Most of all he loved and appreciated the lengths Micky was going to for him.

As much as Davy was dying to express his true feelings, he knew that it was best not to. Though Micky was open to acting like Davy’s boyfriend, that didn’t mean he wanted to be his boyfriend. It didn’t mean that Micky felt the things he was making up about their relationship. It wasn’t fair to Micky to spring this information on him. So Davy would continue to suffer in silence. Maybe the moon would wash away the feelings eventually.


	6. Chapter 6

That day it was Davy’s day to clean. He was dreading having to clean up this mess of a bachelor’s pad. He grudgingly took out a mop and broom and turned on the jukebox. At least if he was going to do this menial task, he was going to be entertained. Plus everyone was out of the house. It was the perfect opportunity to get this Micky debacle off his mind.

_“Oh wah, oh wah, oh wah, oh wah, oh wah, oh wah”_

Davy started sweeping and tapping his foot as he sang along.

_“Why do fools fall in love?_

_Why do birds sing so gay?_

_And lovers await the break of day_

_Why do they fall in love?_

_Why does the rain fall from above?_

_Why do fools fall in love?_

_Why do they fall in love?_

_Love is a losing game_

_Love can a be shame_

_I know of a fool_

_You see_

_For that fool is me_

_Tell me why, why, why_

_Tell me why_

_Why do birds sing so gay?_

_And lovers await the break of day?_

_Why do they fall in love?_

_Why does my heart skip a crazy beat?_

_Before I know it will reach defeat!_

_Tell me why, why, why_

_Why do fools fall in love?”_

“Funny when songs reflect the way you feel,” Davy said aloud to no one in particular.

Davy grabbed the mop and listened to the instrumental of the next song begin. He passed the mop from hand to hand before singing into it like a microphone.

“ _A well'a bless my soul What'sa wrong with me? I'm itchin' like a man in a fuzzy tree My friends say I'm actin' wild as a bug I'm in love I'm all shook up Mm mm mm, mm, yay, yay, yay_

_Well, my hands are shaky and my knees are weak I can't seem to stand on my own two feet Who do you think of when you have such luck? I'm in love I'm all shook up Mm mm mm, mm, yay, yay, yay_

Davy began shaking his hips in his best Elvis impression as he continued to run the mop along the floor.

_“Well, please don't ask me what'sa on my mind I'm a little mixed up, but I'm feelin' fine When I'm near that girl that I love best My heart beats so it scares me to death!_

_Well she touched my hand what a chill I got Her lips are like a volcano when it's hot I'm proud to say that she's my buttercup I'm in love I'm all shook up Mm mm mm, mm, yay, yay, yay_

_My tongue gets tied when I try to speak My insides shake like a leaf on a tree There's only one cure for this body of mine That's to have that girl that I love so fine!”_

“Fineeeeeeee!”

Davy turned around abruptly to the sound of someone else’s voice. Micky was standing there singing loudly.  Davy immediately turned red. He hadn’t realized that anyone was home.

“How long have you been watching me?”

“Long enough to wonder why fools fall in love and know that you’re all shook up.”

Davy put his hands over his face.

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed man, you sang those songs well. Although I have to say, leave the hip movements to Elvis.”

Davy let out a little laugh. Micky always knew what to say to lighten the mood.

Micky held his hand out, “May I have this dance?”

“You must be joking!” Davy exclaimed swatting Micky’s hand away.

“C’mon I can’t watch this display and not get in on it. Plus your song is playing,” Micky began humming.

_“Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm_

_Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm_

_Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm_

_Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm.”_

“Oh come off it Micky.”

Davy tried to walk away but Micky grabbed him and pulled him into a couples dancing position. Micky was pressing his hand into the small of Davy’s back making escape impossible. He began to guide Davy around the room in an awkward waltz as he sang.

_“Little bitty pretty one_

_Come on and talk-a to me_

_Lovey dovey lovey one_

_Come sit down on my knee”_

Davy laughed, “This is not my song, you jerk.”

“Sure it is. You’re little, bitty, and pretty,” Micky smiled.

“Haha, very funny.”

Davy had to admit to himself that he was enjoying the closeness of their bodies. Micky’s smell was intoxicating. Micky had a scent of fresh linen. Davy was trying to keep his composure and not look into Micky’s eyes. The song finished and Micky finally let him go.

“Thanks for the dance. 10 out of 10, I’d dance with you again.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Davy said turning down the radio.

“So who is it?”

“Who’s who?”

“Come on, you’re singing songs about being in love…”

“That’s what happened to be playing.”

“Uh-huh. Do you always dance around like that with the mop? Spill it what girl are you hung up on this time?”

Davy went to put the mop away; he couldn’t let Micky see the burning in his cheeks. There was no way he was going to reveal the secret crush. He could feel Micky’s eyes practically burning a hole in the back of his head. He turned around and tried to make things as convincing as possible.

“No one you know.”

“Yeah, okay. We all know the same people. We don’t really get out much without each other…Come to think of it that may be a problem…Are you cheating on me?” Micky feigned shock.

Davy was hoping that Micky’s flighty thought process would steer the conversation in a different direction. No such luck. He just stood there staring at Davy it was clear that he wasn’t going to give up until he was satisfied with an answer.

“Another question is if you’re hung up on a girl why aren’t you going for it?”

“It’s not that easy this time. It’s complicated.”

“Since when does the Davy Jones charm not work? Does this girl have super human strength against the atrocity that is your staggering good looks?”

Davy couldn’t help but smile. Even though Micky didn’t know what he was doing, it made Davy feel good to have those compliments. It was almost like Micky really meant them in a loving way.

“I just don’t want to offend my number one,” Davy said playfully and gave Micky a gentle shove.

“Aw shucks.”

And just like that Micky’s attention was on to the next thing.

“Maybe if you changed up your moves to something like this…” Micky started swinging his hips to the new song on the radio and sang into his hand as if it were a microphone. “ _What’s new pussycat, whoa—“_

Davy shook his head. “I leave those moves to you. I’ll never be _that_ talented.”

He continued to watch Micky make a fool out of himself. Davy was falling more in love with him with every goofy gesture.

* * *

 

“I hate to admit it but this half-baked scheme of yours has actually been working,” Mike commented as they packed their instruments for the gig.

“Don’t act so surprised,” Micky answered, “I usually have great ideas…it’s just all in the execution which doesn’t usually go well.”

“Yeah that’s how you lost your eyebrows that one time,” Peter reminded.

Davy was only partially listening to the conversation. He was anticipatory about the night ahead. Sure he no longer had to worry about Maggie in a romantic sense, but now being around Maggie caused a different problem. The problem of having to be close to Micky and pretend to be something they weren’t. Davy didn’t want to admit the truth that while thrilling in the moment, the realization and fall back into reality was very painful. Every gig meant that Davy was falling for Micky deeper and deeper. It was agony.

“Davy?”

“Huh?”

“I said how relieved are you that this situation has been sorted out for you?” Micky repeated.

_Define sorted out._

“Oh yeah, a big relief that I don’t have to worry about leading this girl on anymore,” he lied.

“Yeah because if you had to keep doing that then you wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the dates you haven’t been having lately,” Mike pointed out.

_Why did he have to bring that up?_

“What are you getting at?” Davy demanded.

“Nothing!” Mike said holding up his hands in surrender. “It was just a joke.”

Davy was clearly on edge. Comments like that made him think that everybody could see through his ruse and know the truth. He wasn’t prepared for anyone to find out…ever. This would be his painful secret until the end.

“Yeah, that’s right you haven’t been going out lately,” Peter noted.

“So?”

“So?! Davy Jones not going on dates is a national tragedy,” Micky teased. “Whatever happened to that girl you were hung up on so much that you were serenading a mop?”

Davy felt his heartbeat speed up. He didn’t want anyone probing into the obvious crush he had because that meant potential discovery.

“I just don’t think it would be wise to go out on a bunch of dates when someone could see me and the information could get back to Maggie which in turn could get back to her father…”

Mike contemplated the idea for a moment. “That’s actually a good point.”

“What? We can’t date girls now because we ‘might’ be caught?” Micky questioned.

“I mean remember when I dressed up like a girl for the Rock-A-Thon? I had to stay in character just in case someone saw me,” Davy backed up his case.

“But if someone saw us wouldn’t they maybe think that we were keeping up appearances by dating girls?”

Mike shook his head. “Davy’s right it’s too risky right now. You guys need to lay low.”

“How is Micky going down to Davy’s height going to help this?” Peter asked confused.

“No, no, Shotgun. I mean they have to keep their dating lives under the radar.”

“That’s not fair!” Micky protested.

“What can I tell you? It was _your_ idea,” Mike emphasized.

“But I have a date tomorrow,” Micky said.

Davy tuned out the rest of the conversation. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Micky had a date? This was painful. Excruciating. Davy felt like his heart was tearing in two. Micky was going out with women…and why shouldn’t he be? This relationship was only an act. But sometimes acting caused real emotions to bubble up to the surface.


	7. Chapter 7

“Thanks for making this place so spic and span for my date,” Micky said squeezing Davy’s shoulders.

Davy cringed and gently shrugged out of Micky’s grip. Since Mike had said no going out on dates, Micky begged to be able to have his date over to the pad. Mike reasoned that there was no harm in that since they could easily pretend that the girl was there to date Mike or Peter. Even though Davy had made frantic protests to the contrary. He was not looking forward to Micky cozying up to some bimbo right under his nose.

“Uh huh,” was all he could muster.

“What are you going to do with a date here anyway?” Peter asked.

“Peter, my boy,” Micky said placing an arm around his shoulders, “your far too young to know these things. Maybe when you’re older.”

“Hey, I’m older than you!” Peter objected.

Micky didn’t seem to be paying much attention. In true Micky fashion, he was flighty and all over the place. Davy assumed this wasn’t out of nervous energy but just the way Micky was. Davy had been trying all day to come up with something to do or a place to go so he wouldn’t have to witness this date, but he was coming up empty. Sure, Davy could go anywhere, though he really needed to go somewhere that would occupy his mind with something other than Micky and his date. Nothing seemed to be up to par for that challenge. Even the thought of sabotage crossed his mind but that wasn’t really his style. So he was going to suffer in silence while teaching Peter for what seemed like the hundredth time how to play Uno. At least that would somewhat keep his mind occupied.

There was a knock at the door. Micky hurried to the door and straightened his shirt before opening it. On the other side stood a girl. Davy noticed there was nothing specifically breathtaking about her. She was plain, like any other dime a dozen girls that the guys could date. Davy didn’t understand why Micky was so eager to go on a date with someone that was nothing special. Davy reasoned that it may have been that their charade had led Micky to be starving for female attention and he was going to take what he could get. It wasn’t easy meeting girls during gigs right now due to the ruse.

“Hiya Trixie! These are my roommates Davy and Peter.”

Peter introduced himself politely and Davy was barely able to nod his head in that direction.

“Don’t worry though, we aren’t going to make this a double date,” Micky joked as he led her out onto the back patio.

Davy was trying not to watch and stare at the couple but he couldn’t help himself. He needed reassurance that this date didn’t mean anything like he had concluded. Micky’s actions upon her arrival were only proving Davy’s point to himself. Usually when Micky was around girls he was telling jokes and trying to get the girl to laugh. He wasn’t usually too touchy feely on a date, that was more of Davy’s style. Tonight though Micky appeared to be awfully handsy, not in an obscene way, more like he was moving ahead a few paces in his dating ritual. Davy must not have been enough physical contact for him lately and even though Davy knew that the relationship was fake he’d be lying if he didn’t say that it hurt.

“Davy, it’s your turn.”

“Wha-“

“Yeah I put this card down like two minutes ago.”

“Sorry, I was just…” Davy trailed off not quite sure what excuse he could make.

“That’s okay I know what’s going on.”

Davy had terror engulf in for a moment. Then he realized that Peter may assume Davy was checking out Micky’s date or daydreaming about having his own date soon.

“I guess you caught me,” he answered slyly.

“Yeah, I just don’t know why you don’t tell him.”

“Tell who what?”

“Tell Micky that you have feelings for him.”

Davy felt panic erupt in every fiber of his being. “What are you talking about? I don’t have feelings for Micky!”

“You can’t fool me…”

“Peter, that is a false statement,” Davy interrupted.

Peter ignored the comment. “I’ve seen the way you’ve been interacting with him through this whole pretending to date thing. I’ve never seen you more flustered by anything romantic in my life. It’s obvious that if you didn’t have feelings for Micky you would play along like he does and ham it up. You’re too shy about it.”

_When did Peter become so observant?_

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I’m just uncomfortable with this whole situation?” Davy tried to lie.

“You know that thought did occur to me at first, and then I witnessed that kiss between the two of you. Your reaction was very telling. It made you weak in the knees. You love him.”

Davy didn’t know what to say. Apparently this was obvious to Peter and nothing he could say would change Peter’s mind. He was afraid of what Peter thought about it. But he had to know.

“What if I do?”

Peter thought for a moment before answering. “I think it’s wonderful.”

Davy’s eyes widened in shock. “You do?”

“Yes. Love is an amazing thing. Not many people can experience real, true love. When someone finds that, I think it is the most beautiful thing in the world.”

“Even between two men?”

Peter nodded. “In this generation and loving time, I believe that people were born to love one another and that it is something we all need. It doesn’t matter where or who that comes from or to as long as it’s there.”

Davy was flabbergasted. Here Peter was supporting his loving feelings for Micky. He almost began crying. It was so freeing to be able to share this information with someone else.

Peter sensed Davy’s inability to speak at the moment and continued on. “I’ve had my suspicions about your sexuality for quite some time. It isn’t something forthcoming that you are putting out there, so don’t worry, it was just a vibe I got. I can’t explain it. I was hoping that one day you would be able to see that for yourself and be at peace.”

Davy felt tears misting his eyes. “Thanks Peter. Promise you won’t tell anyone about this though. I’m not ready.”

“I would never. I do hope that you are willing to share this with Micky at some point.”

“I can’t. What if he rejects me? Thinks I’m a deviant.”

“I can’t see Micky doing that.”

Davy nodded. He had to admit he didn’t either. Micky appeared to be open to experiences and ideas. If anything he would let Davy down easy. But Davy wasn’t so sure still.

“Okay, enough of this,” he said wiping his eyes on his sleeve, “let’s play.”

Davy looked at the cards that were played. “Peter you can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I put down a green five and you have a yellow two.”

“Well, two can be added to three to make five and yellow mixed with blue is green. So that card is a component of the one you played.”

“Now, I know why I’ve taught you this so many times…and why I always vow to never try again.”

* * *

 

Davy had another familiar sleepless night. He kept replaying his conversation with Peter over and over again. Maybe he was right. Maybe Micky would be open and understanding of Davy’s situation. There was no way Micky could ever entertain the idea of being in a real relationship with Davy. Perhaps he could assist Davy in the process of getting over him. Make himself less appealing or distancing himself.

Potentially being out to people around him would make it easier for Davy to explore his sexuality more freely. Date other men at some point and move away from Micky. That had to be the solution. More of an opportunity to be himself allowed for more of a chance that he would meet others like him. This was a stepping stone into a new world.

Then just as Davy would get comfortable with the idea and start to drift off into sleep, the alternative would plague him. What if Micky was disgusted by him? Then Micky would tell Mike and both of them would be against Davy no matter Peter’s requests to be open. He would surely be asked to leave the group and his home. Where would he go? He would be out on the street with no prospects, all because he had a stupid crush and was different.

Davy was suddenly hot and kicked the blankets on the floor. He turned onto his stomach and put his face flat against the mattress. He cried. It was a mixture of exasperation and sadness. Nothing was ever going to turn out right from all of this. He was just going to have to live a lie or face the consequences of being honest. This was a nightmare and he wasn’t even asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

“How was the date last night, Mick?” Mike inquired.

_Great! Was there no relief from these conversations?_

“Okay, I guess,” Micky shrugged.

“What do you mean? When I came down here you and that girl were all over each other,” Mike commented.

_Thanks for the visual, Mate._

“I mean…I’m not saying that part wasn’t fun…because it was,” he winked. “I just wasn’t into her. She was a nice girl, but I don’t think I’d see her again.”

Peter nudged Davy’s arm as if to indicate that now he had a shot. Davy looked over at Peter, his eyes pleading for Peter to stop pushing. Peter seemed to receive that message loud and clear. But not in the way that Davy exactly was looking for.

“So when are you going to get back out there and find someone new?” Peter questioned.

Davy slumped and put his head on the table. He wanted Peter to back off the pressure of him admitting feelings to Micky. He didn’t want Peter to encourage Micky for more dates. Couldn’t anyone take a hint and know exactly what he was thinking?

“I don’t know,” Micky looked confused. “Why would I need to?”

Peter began searching his mind for an answer as if he hadn’t been ready for that response. “Well…you know…I just…I mean you just…seemed…really excited about yesterday that’s all.”

“Yeah, I just needed a _real_ date. I missed the companionship of a lady…not that you’re not spectacular there partner,” Micky said coming behind Davy and enveloping him in a bear hug.

Davy could feel his nerves stand on edge. The embrace was warm and loving. He could smell Micky’s natural scent mixed with his cologne. It would be enough to drive anyone mad. He had to get out of there though. If he was going to move forward from this then he had to run from it. That was the best solution, right?

Davy wiggled out of the hug. “Get offa me!” he said more aggressively than he meant to.

Micky walked backwards. “I’m sorry, Dave. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Davy was embarrassed for the outburst and didn’t know how to respond. He searched his brain but was coming up with nothing. That seemed to be a general theme when it came to Micky.

“He didn’t sleep well last night,” Peter rescued him.

Finally, Peter knowing was helpful.

“Yeah, I’m sorry Micky. I’m just tired. I think I’ll go in my room.”

Davy trudged into his room and lay down on the bed. He put his hands over his face. This was a disaster and would keep going on like this if he didn’t do something…quick.

* * *

 

“Here he comes!”

Davy scrambled off the bandstand and went to head for the back door. For the past two days, he had decided the best way to stop this madness was to avoid Micky at all costs.

The plan wasn’t actually working out so well though, because Davy hadn’t noticed before but Micky was everywhere all the time. It appeared as if that guy didn’t have other things to do that didn’t involve his friends. The first day, Davy tried to stay in his room, but Micky was testing out an invention that entailed a pulley device. He kept raising himself to be hovering outside Davy’s window and waving. When Davy shut the curtains, Micky thought it was a good idea to jimmy the window open and climb in. He then wouldn’t stop asking Davy if he was testy because of lady troubles.

“I know what this is,” Micky accused.

Davy was irritated but still had those butterflies. “No you don’t.”

“I’m not dumb,” Micky said. “You haven’t been on dates and you were singing love songs that day. You were in love with that girl, you told her, and she didn’t reciprocate. Now you’re in a bad mood.”

_I mean one out of three with the other two potentially happening wasn’t too bad._

“That’s not it!”

“It has to be! Unless you’ve been traded with an alien replica too.”

Micky came over and began poking and prodding Davy.

“Quit it!”

Micky continued pushing his hands on Davy’s stomach. “I don’t feel any metal or springs…but you are cold and unfeeling like robot…maybe that’s a British thing.”

The second day, Micky had claimed that he was going to visit his parents that lived an hour away. Mike and Peter were out on errands that day too. Davy was relieved and was looking forward to some much needed time alone. But lo and behold Micky came traipsing back to the pad not even twenty minutes after he left.

“What are you doing back here? You weren’t even gone long enough to get to your parents’ house!”

“Good to see you too,” Micky said warily. “I remembered while I was driving that my parents are on vacation this week. I would have driven all the way there for nothing.”

When Micky turned his back Davy flung his head back in agitation. “What are you going to do now?” he tried not to sound irritated.

“Oh I thought I’d tinker around with some brilliant ideas.”

“In your room?”

“No, out here,” Micky started dragging things out of the closet.

Davy got up abruptly. “I’m going to the beach.”

Micky dropped his stuff. “That sounds better than this. I’ll go with you!”

That’s all Davy had needed was to go and stare at a half-naked Micky all day. But that is exactly what happened. And Davy tried all afternoon not to gawk at Micky’s physique. Though it was difficult with Micky continuing to pester Davy to engage in activities.

After the lack of luck Davy was having with the plan, he enlisted Peter’s help. He wasn’t exactly keen on the idea, but apparently he wasn’t able to do this himself. Peter was helping begrudgingly since he was pro Davy telling Micky the truth, but that guy couldn’t say no to anything. So Peter had been standing as a lookout for Micky. When he saw Micky coming he would warn Davy so he could slip out without Micky knowing where to find him. If Micky didn’t know where Davy was then he couldn’t foil the plan anymore. If he would even be looking for him at all.

Davy got out the back door with ease. He was hurried and had run down the stairs two at a time. He had to be quick for Micky not to see him even run on the beach so he wouldn’t follow him. Peter’s plan was to feign ignorance about Davy’s whereabouts, which wouldn’t be difficult since Peter didn’t know where Davy was going. Davy hadn’t even chosen a place until the last minute. He went to the last place he would think anyone would find him.

* * *

 

Well, Operation Avoid Micky was a success today. Davy hid in the public library until closing. He sat on the floor of an aisle about nuclear physics. No one bothered him or came by all day. The only problem was that it was terribly boring even with books around and the only thing there was to do was be alone with his thoughts. The more he thought about the situation, the more hopeless he felt. He was away from Micky this whole day and what had he done the whole time…think about the situation with Micky. That was counter-productive. So maybe the plan wasn’t exactly a success.

He didn’t know what to do. Obviously the plan wasn’t going to work. As Davy walked home he furiously kicked the rocks on the sidewalk. If avoidance wasn’t the answer then that meant the opposite would be. Confronting. He wasn’t ready for that. But would he ever be? It was all too much for him now. He just needed relief from all of this Micky stuff and there was no end in sight. Nothing would take his mind off of it when Micky wasn’t around and the alternative was that Micky was around. It was a lose-lose situation.

Davy took a deep breath and opened the front door. He was positive of what would be waiting for him on the other side. And as predicted Micky was on the chaise lounge reading a book about great inventions. He turned as soon as he realized Davy had come in and smiled.

“Hey Babe, where have you been all day?”

Davy shrugged because he didn’t have an answer that wasn’t about hiding. “You know around.”

“With a certain young lady?”

“No,” Davy had to let out a little laugh at that. Micky was so persistent.

“Good to hear you laughing. You seem to not be yourself much lately.”

Davy wasn’t surprised Micky had noticed and he couldn’t be bothered that he had pointed it out. He was a little touched that Micky seemed concerned about that.

“Yeah, I can’t lie about that.”

“Well, I’m happy to see you like this. I’ve missed you.”

“You have?”

Micky sat up and patted the seat next to him. “Yeah, I don’t like to see my friends struggling and hurting.”

Davy was reluctant but took the seat next to him. “It really isn’t that big of a deal. I’ll be fine.”

Micky put his book down and took his glasses off. “I don’t buy it.”

He was looking straight into Davy’s eyes. There was concern in those eyes. It made Davy feel warm and tingly all over. The fact that Micky cared so much was making Davy fall for him all over again.

“I don’t see how one girl has got you so down in the dumps. I mean there are plenty of girls out there that would fall for that British charm in a second. Why her?”

Davy couldn’t keep this in. “This…person is different. They are exactly my type in a way that I can’t begin to describe to you. It is like I feel like my true self when I’m around them. I can be the full version of me. No lies, no secrets. It’s freeing.”

“You feel like you can’t be that way with anyone else?”

“I can’t. It’s hard to explain…well not exactly word wise but having the courage to say it.”

“Try me.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Look, we’re best friends. I want to be able to help you through this turmoil. I can’t if you don’t let me in.”

Micky reached for Davy’s hand. He held Davy’s smaller hand in between his. Davy felt safe and secure in that moment. It was as if all the pain and suffering from lately had washed away from that simple touch. He knew in that moment that Peter had been right all along.

 “Okay, here goes nothing.” He took a deep breath. “I have feelings for someone and it’s not what you think. I have romantic feelings for a man.”

Davy paused to see Micky’s reaction. The drummer simply held onto Davy’s hand tighter and nodded for him to continue. Davy’s heart was pounding in his chest.

“I’ve known for quite some time that I was…different. That I was feeling more for men than women. I was keeping it to myself. I didn’t want anyone to view me differently. To hate me.”

“We could never hate you. We love you. Love is understanding,” Micky caressed Davy’s cheek with one of his hands.

Davy shivered. “Well, this whole fake relationship thing caused me to be more in tune with my real self.”

Micky’s facial expression changed. Davy started to have fear again. He thought Micky knew where this was headed and was beginning to panic. Micky was going to let him down. He was going to be harsh.

“Davy, I’m sorry…”

_Oh no here it comes._

“…if I knew you were struggling with your sexuality, I never would have suggested it.”

Davy eased a little at that response. “You don’t understand. It wasn’t a bad thing. It was so liberating to be authentic, even if it was for deception.”

Micky’s face relaxed. “Oh good. I didn’t want to be the cause of your pain.”

“Well…” Davy began, “here’s the thing…” He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “…I may have liked being with you.”

“Of course, who doesn’t like being with me,” Micky joked.

Davy smiled. “No Mate, not like hanging out. I started developing feelings for you.”

Micky stared wide eyed. He was silent and seemingly stunned. “Meaning, what? I’m sorry I don’t think I’m hearing you clearly. Feelings for _me_?”

“Yeah.”

“Like romantic ones?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Why is that unfortunate?”

“Because…”

_It’s now or never._

“…I fell in love with you. I’m in love with you.”

Micky dropped Davy’s hand to close his gaping mouth. He then put his hands over his eyes. Davy was waiting in anticipation. He wasn’t sure if Micky was angry or just shocked. It was all out in the open now. No turning back. It was minutes of agony that felt like hours. The uncertainty hanging in the balance.

“I know I’ve sprung a lot on you. I’ll give you some space.”

Davy stood and turned. Instantly he was pulled back down into his seat. His eyes were locked with Micky’s. Micky seemed to be searching Davy’s eyes for answers to a question that Davy didn’t know. Micky placed both hands on the sides on Davy’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. Davy’s arms naturally found their way around Micky’s waist and pulled himself closer. The kiss was short and sweet. When they pulled apart, it was Davy’s turn to be wide eyed.

“What…um…what the hell was that?”

Micky seemed to be searching for the right words. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something when we were pretending to be a couple too.”

“Feeling what exactly?”

“I mean come on, you’re gorgeous. Any person would count themselves lucky to be in that level of intimacy with you. When I went for that kiss that day we were practicing, I did it because I wanted to know what it was like to kiss you.”

“And?”

“It was more than I hoped for. I needed more but I knew…well thought I knew that you weren’t going to have the same feelings. So I tried to go on that date but I couldn’t shake you out of my mind. I kept trying to be around you so I could soak up every ounce. Even if it hurt.”

“I was doing the opposite; I was trying to avoid you like the plague. I wanted to get over you because I didn’t think you would ever want to be with me.”

“And that’s when I started to believe that you had caught on to my feelings and were disgusted by me.”

Davy tilted up Micky’s chin that had fallen in shame. “I could never be disgusted by you. You’re my everything.”

“Does this mean?”

“I think it does. We must be what we’re going to be and what we have to be is free. Together.”

Davy leaned Micky back into a passionate kiss. The butterflies exploded in his stomach.

 _This must be what it feels like to be your true self._  
  



End file.
